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I grew up in Belgium and was sold to a murderous pedophile network. |
Around my 6th birthday. |
I have been used on this network for five and a half years. |
Adult men who were part of this exclusive club were there for various reasons. |
But there was a lot of alcohol, a lot of drugs, and the children were the commodity, the most valuable commodity. |
They were mainly used for sex. |
But there were also a few aristocrats in this club who liked to kill children. |
And then my time had come. |
I should be killed when I was 11. |
I was tortured because someone who had protected me for a while and then really abused me was done with me. |
I was strapped to a butcher block. |
He was black with the blood of all the children before me. |
I was there for a couple of hours. |
My body is full of scars. |
And every scar reminds me of that moment. |
I thought I was going to be killed. |
Like all children who were not loved enough to live. |
And I would be forgotten too. |
And I wasn’t ready to die. |
Someone in the network loved me enough to save me. |
The torture lasted a few hours. |
I was on this network for five and a half years. |
During that time, I was raped many, many, many times. |
I have no scars to show how many times I have been raped. |
But I did the math. |
It was usually a whole night at the weekend. |
I calculated that I was raped for about 6 hours a week. |
So actually raped. |
1716 hours of rape. |
Even before I was 12 years old. |
I grew up with instructions given to me by the person who saved me. |
That kept me away from prostitution and drugs. |
That got me out of the country. |
From Belgium, where it all happened. |
As a young adult, even though I had no scars, I was so focused on being a sex object that I attracted the men. |
And parts of me needed that to live. |
Because that was the only way I knew to feel good. |
As a young woman, I was so unseen and stamped. |
And everyone was ready to accuse me. |
To be promiscuous. |
And as it says: „cheap“. |
A whore. |
All these things, all these insults, they judge me so quickly. |
And then when I healed, I realized: No, I have to break out of the pattern that I need sexual attention. |
Let me get away from it. |
Don’t let me make myself an object anymore. |
Let me be a free woman. |
So I’ve worked for decades to feel all this pain. |
From what was done to me. |
The betrayal of being sold by my parents. |
Children are the most vulnerable of all of us. |
That is why we want to create a society where children will be safe. |
In which children have a community around them. |
Every child deserves security. |
No child deserves what I had to experience. |
And what millions of children experience every day. |
Unfortunately, that’s part of the current system. |
As women, we have so much potential to become really powerful by feeling everything we have to endure as women. |
That gives us more strength than everyone else. |
All the pain behind all the impotence and humiliation. |
Really feeling what was done to me, really understanding that it wasn’t me that I was ultimately okay. |
I was a child, I became a victim. |
It was not my fault. |